Razor Blades and Head Colds
by xxxemmzxxx
Summary: When Tony tells Gibbs of his troubled childhood, he's surprised at how well Gibbs handles it. Until Gibbs punches his father in the bullpen. Gibbs/DiNozzo. Warnings: AU, mentions of previous suicide attempt and self harm
1. Chapter 1

Tony didn't even know why he had said it. The words had just tumbled out of his mouth and now Gibbs was staring at him with a look on his face that Tony couldn't quite place. He hadn't meant to say anything at all, but everything had just been so good today. They hadn't been called in on their weekend off, something which was becoming increasingly uncommon, so they hadn't had to get out of bed until eleven. Tony made sure he took full advantage of that. Then they'd spent the rest of the day doing nothing, just exchanging lazy kisses while he watched Gibbs work on the boat. Gibbs even cooked him dinner, and no one had ever bothered to do that for him before. So he'd sat at the table with this stupid grin on his face, while Gibbs didn't say anything like he knew exactly how much this small gesture meant to Tony. Which knowing Gibbs, he probably did. Tony wasn't quite sure whether he should have been embarrassed by that or not.

But then as usual conversation turned to work and to the latest case they'd had, where a petty officer's daughter had killed herself. There was no murderer, no suspects – it was an open and shut case. Except, Tony still couldn't get the image of Amanda, lying there with her wrists split open and blood staining the carpet a dull brown, out of his head. Ducky had said that there were enough scars on her arms to know that she hadn't been new to taking a knife to her body or anything sharp. They all had the desired effect.

Then as he was washing the dishes Gibbs had come up behind him and wrapped his arms around him and Tony had just blurted it out. It wasn't his fault really, Amanda's scared arms were burning a hole in his mind and leaning back against Gibbs and letting it out seemed like a good idea.

"I used to do it."

Normally that little darkened piece of information was locked safely way in the back of his mind, so far back that often he forgot about it himself. Only not really because you can't forget about something like that easily. But he could pretend.  
Only now he was faced with a confused Gibbs who would want to know exactly what he used to do and Tony didn't think he could lie. He wasn't even sure he wanted to.

"Used to do what, Tony?" Gibbs asked from behind him.

Tony knew he couldn't lie when Gibbs used that tone, and Gibbs knew it as well.

"What she did," he said trying to extract himself from Gibbs' hold because, really, he was feeling pretty fucking vulnerable and he'd probably feel a lot better if he moved away and wrapped his arms around himself and was prepared for the words he was certain would come out of Gibbs' mouth. Maybe not certain. Gibbs probably wouldn't say anything, but he'd think it. And really that was bad enough.

_"Worthless piece of shit. You can't even do this right. You should have grabbed the gun and done it properly."__  
_  
His father's reaction to it hadn't been stellar, though by that stage, Tony hadn't been expecting anything other than anger. Definitely not relief that his only son was still alive. Really, he shouldn't have been surprised that his father wished he had done it properly. But it had still hurt. Hell, it still hurt thinking about it now.

Only maybe moving away from Gibbs wasn't the best idea because Gibbs tightened his hold and Tony couldn't imagine anything chasing away his father's slurred voice better than this. Then Gibbs pressed a light kiss to the back of his neck and Tony had to blink furiously as his eyes started to burn. Gibbs wasn't going to leave. He wasn't going to kick Tony out and say 'sorry, but I've got enough shit to deal with without your baggage as well.'

"Why?" Gibbs asked quietly.

"Does it really matter?" Tony forced out from behind the lump in his throat before letting out a little yell, which was definitely not a squeak, as Gibbs spun him around.

"Yes, it matters," Gibbs said fiercely. "Because you shouldn't have had to feel like you needed to do that for a moment."

Tony couldn't keep Gibbs' gaze at that moment because he had spent his entire teenage years feeling like he had deserved everything he was doing to himself. Every time he had pressed the blade against his skin he felt like he deserved it, and knowing Gibbs didn't think he did, meant everything to him.

"It was everything," he said softly. If Gibbs was going to deal with his angst ridden past then he deserved to know all about it. "Home mostly," he admitted. "And I was sick of pretending at school."

"You going to elaborate?"Gibbs asked as Tony knew he would. Gibbs was like a dog with a bone when it came to his people getting hurt, and even though Tony was technically the one who had hurt himself, Gibbs would want to know why. And he wouldn't let up until he did. It might have taken him a long time to realize that Gibbs loved him and wasn't letting go, but he knew it now. Gibbs would want to fight the demons of his past because he loved him.

Not that Tony still didn't have insecurities about their relationship, it had after all, only been ten months. But then Gibbs seemed to understand that, and made sure not to encourage Jenny's continuous flirting because he *knew* exactly how much that worried Tony. Gibbs also never failed to tell Tony that he loved him, even if it was just dropping in a "love yah" into the conversation because he knew how much Tony needed to hear that. So considering how much Gibbs did to reassure Tony of his place in his life, Tony thought he owed it to Gibbs to be honest.

"Did you ever try to...?" Gibbs started before stopping and looking angry with himself. "End it?" Gibbs finished grimly.

"You probably don't want to know the answer to that one," Tony said with a weak smile.

Gibbs pushed himself back and smacked his hand against the wall. "When?" he demanded.

"Fifteen," Tony answered quickly because he couldn't not give Gibbs the answer when he looked this mad. "But it was only once. Before then it was all just superficial. Well not just superficial..." Tony trailed off because he wouldn't have needed surgery when he was eighteen if it had all just been superficial. "It was only once," he said again.

"Jesus," Gibbs whispered and for a moment he looked more scared than Tony had ever seen him.

"It was only once," Tony reassured again hurriedly. "I would never try it now."

"Once is still one time too many," Gibbs said softly. "I know you wouldn't try and..."

"Kill myself," Tony supplied awkwardly.

"I know you wouldn't do that," Gibbs said firmly but Tony wasn't sure if Gibbs was trying to convince himself or not. "But what about the cutting? Do you ever think about doing that?"

Tony looked away. "Not recently," he said slowly, "There have only been a couple of times when I've worked for you that it's crossed my mind. But that was all it was, a passing thought."

"When?" Gibbs asked harshly.

"Well after Kate," Tony started which was as good an excuse as any. But he wasn't too sure about the next one. "Remember, this was only a passing thought, I didn't even consider it," Tony said quickly.

"And?" Gibbs asked quietly.

"When you all had dinner without me," Tony answered ashamed. He hated that that simple thing affected him so badly. He hated that it still hurt now after all this time.

"When did we do that?" Gibbs asked and he sounded genuinely confused.

"Just before Ziva and I were locked in the shipping container."

Realization dawned in Gibbs' eyes. "And we rubbed it in your face," he stated.

Tony worried his lip. The last thing he wanted was for Gibbs to feel guilty about him overreacting about something stupid from three years ago. "It was a long time ago, Jethro," he said slowly. "And you know how I am about shit like that now, but you didn't then. I didn't blame you then, and I don't blame you now. I know you wouldn't ever do something like that now."

"No, I wouldn't. But I shouldn't have done that even not knowing how you felt about being left out," Gibbs said and Tony could see that he was angry with himself.

"It's over," Tony said firmly. "I don't think about doing it now. I mean it, I wouldn't try and off myself and I wouldn't hurt myself – no matter how bad things got."

Gibbs breathed out and Tony could see him visibly relax. It made him feel warm inside to know that Gibbs was that relieved to have him alive. Tony knew after ten months together that he shouldn't be surprised. But he still was every time Gibbs showed him just how much he loved him. Being loved was still a novel experience for Tony, and he wasn't sure he would ever get used to it.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked.

Tony looked up confused.

"What was so bad that you felt like hurting yourself was the only way out?" Gibbs clarified.

Tony groaned internally. Gibbs was probably expecting some big traumatic event when there was really nothing.

"It wasn't anything that bad," he said turning back to the dishes.

"Hey," Gibbs said striding over and grabbing his arm. "I know you. You wouldn't have been driven to that without a damn good reason."

"That's just it, Gibbs," Tony said angrily, "There is no damn good reason. My father wasn't beating up on me. I know that's what you're thinking. The closest thing I experienced to abuse was my mother knocking me down the stairs when I was six. And I know what you think about that, but it was an accident."

"An accident that put you in the hospital," Gibbs interrupted angrily, "And I'll bet your mother wasn't sober and trying to help you get to school on time. If you don't think that's abusive then I don't even want to know what else those bastards did."

"She didn't do it on purpose," Tony said quietly looking down. His mother hadn't knocked him on purpose, but she hadn't help pick him up either. In fact, it wasn't until the maid walked past and found him, still unconscious, that anyone realized something was wrong. This wasn't the first argument he and Gibbs had had on this topic, and he doubted it would be the last. Gibbs didn't have high opinions of Tony's parents going into the relationship and when he had heard about that incident they had dropped even more.

"Did that work when you told yourself it back then?"

Tony yanked his arm out of Gibbs' hold, but Gibbs wouldn't move, "You weren't there Gibbs," he said angrily, "Yeah I might have been ignored and knocked occasionally but I was never outright hit. Obviously you don't trust me enough to believe me."

"Shit," Gibbs muttered letting go, "Tony, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be hounding you about your parents right now."

"Then why are you?" Tony asked abruptly.

"Because I hate the thought of not having you," Gibbs said gruffly, and Tony could see he was as uncomfortable with this conversation as Tony was. Gibbs didn't have a problem with telling Tony he loved him, but big long heartfelt declarations weren't his thing, "And I hate that you didn't think you deserved to live."

Tony sighed. Damn Gibbs and his never ending ability to make him feel better. Tony thought he'd much rather push this all away than have to open up any more. Of course there was as much chance of Gibbs letting that happen as there was of hell freezing over.

"I didn't mean to say anything," Tony sighed.

"I know you didn't," Gibbs said moving in slowly and dropping a kiss to the corner of his mouth, "But I'm glad you did."

"How can you be glad you know I tried to off myself when I was fifteen?" Tony asked surprised, "You're dating someone who hacked at their wrists with a razor blade. I don't think that's something you should be pleased about."

Gibbs eyes flashed and Tony knew he wasn't impressed by his last comment, "I also know that you stopped. You didn't keep doing it, and that takes a lot of courage, Tony. I know what you think of yourself sometimes, and you're wrong. I don't care if I have to spend every day telling you that."

Tony breathed out and let his forehead drop against Gibbs', "Can we move on now?"

Gibbs shook his head, "I can't, Tony. I won't risk losing you, especially not to yourself."

"I am not going to kill myself," Tony said heatedly moving back.

"I know," Gibbs said quickly, "Dammit, Tony, I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want you to keep it all bottled up. I want you to be able to talk about it."

"You want to sit and listen to me regale you with all the times I cut my arm open," Tony said incredulously.

"No," Gibbs said frustrated, "You know that's not what I meant."

"I know," Tony said apologetically, "I just haven't talked about it in a very long time. The last conversation I had about it didn't go over so well."  
"Your father?" Gibbs guessed.

Tony nodded, "But that's not something we're talking over tonight," Both for his sake and Gibbs'. Gibbs was riled up enough as it was, hearing everything Tony's father had said would probably make him grab his gun and hitch a ride up to Long Island.

Gibbs nodded, "I won't ever be like them," he said quickly, "I can't make guarantees about how long this will last. No one can do that. But I won't ever ignore you, or hit or, or send you away."

"They didn't hit me," Tony said stubbornly into Gibbs' shoulder.

"Knocking you down the stairs while drunk is just as bad," Gibbs said firmly.

Tony didn't try and argue. He knew Gibbs was right, but he had spent so long convincing himself otherwise that it was hard to believe sometimes.

"How come you don't have any scars," Gibbs said pulling back slightly and his eyes drifting down to Tony's arms.

He knew Gibbs would ask about that. And really it was his own fault for telling him in the first place. Though if truth be told, Tony was a little glad that someone knew. Someone who wasn't going to tell him he should have gotten a gun and done it properly.

"Surgery," Tony said softly, "A good one. You can still see them though, in the right light, if you know they're there."

He saw them all the time. He tried not to, tried to pretend they weren't there. But while to everyone else they didn't exist, to Tony they were glaringly obvious.

"I want to see them," Gibbs said firmly. And Tony knew it wasn't a request. Gibbs would see them, but that didn't mean that Tony had to like it. There was a difference between knowing and seeing.

"Is that really necessary?" he asked pulling away.

"Please," Gibbs added.

Well it wasn't like Tony could say no now. Honestly, who could say no to Gibbs when he said please? The man only said the word about twice a year, and that included to him and he was Gibbs' lover.

"Fine," Tony said bitterly, he might have given in but that didn't mean he would do it gracefully, "It's not pretty."

"DiNozzo, nothing I see is going to change how I see you," Gibbs assured firmly, "Do you actually believe that I would walk out on you because of something you did when you were a teenager?"

Tony knew Gibbs was hurt that Tony hadn't told him before now, and that Tony thought he would leave. "No," he sighed, "I know you wouldn't. But I don't want you to keep making me feel better."

"Why?" Gibbs asked, "Why should you have to keep feeling bad every time you glance down at your own arm?"

"I just should," he said stubbornly moving over to the side table and switching on the lamp. He rolled his sleeves up and shoved his arms into the light.

They were hardly visible, even in this light, and Gibbs had to bend down to see them, but they were there. An everlasting reminder of just how crappy his childhood had been. He sucked in a breath when Gibbs ran his finer down the most visible one.

"This one was deeper," Gibbs murmured before tracing the matching one on his other wrist, "But you still can't feel them."

"Well they were supposed to be the last and I didn't want to be half assed about it," Tony said bitterly, "And he was a really good surgeon. No questions asked."

He hated this; hated feeling so exposed but then Gibbs brought his arm up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss over the scar before repeating the action with the other arm.

"I don't ever want you to feel like this again," Gibbs said softly before moving in and kissing him slowly. Tony didn't bother to think, he just let himself be lost in the kiss. He wanted to shove all the memories of nights locked in the bathroom with blood dripping down his wrists right back into the corner of his mind.

"I think we've done enough talking tonight," Gibbs said against his mouth.

Tony pulled back and gave a weak smile, "Jethro, I think we've done enough talking for the whole year."

Gibbs chuckled, "Nah, I think maybe we should be talking a bit more than we do normally."

Tony knew that was Gibbs' way of telling him that this wasn't over – they would revisit it. But not tonight.

"Come on," Gibbs added, "Upstairs."

Tony obediently followed Gibbs upstairs, because he was really too tired to argue, even if it was only eight. Gibbs pushed him lightly onto the bed and headed into the bathroom. Tony heard him start to run the bath, and he hoped that Gibbs wasn't going to be too overbearing tonight. He tended to get like that whenever Tony got hurt. Though, the thought of a hot bath was very tempting. As much as he appreciated it, Gibbs being too nice would probably cause him to start bawling his eyes out, and Tony thought he'd rather keep what dignity he had left.

Gibbs poked his head out, "Come on."

Tony sighed and pushed himself off the bed and walked into the bathroom. He stood there, unwilling to look quite so eager to get in the bath, even though the hot water looked damn appealing right now.

"Get in the bath, DiNozzo," Gibbs sighed in exasperation.

"Are you really going to coddle me?" Tony asked eyeing Gibbs warily, "I don't think I can take coddling right now, I'm fine with a head slap."

"I know you are," Gibbs said stepping forward and divesting Tony of his top, "But I'm not. And for the record," Gibbs added with a glare, "I don't coddle."

Tony wasn't quite sure what to make of that, but if Gibbs making out with him in the bath would make Gibbs feel better about hearing all about his fucked up youth, then that was fine. Tony wasn't going to complain. He could resist poking fun at Gibbs though.

"Alright," he said while Gibbs hands pulled at his belt, "But you do so coddle."

Gibbs paused and glared, "This is not *coddling*, DiNozzo."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"It's taking care of you," Gibbs said stubbornly as he yanked Tony's pants to his feet and helped him into the bath.

"Whatever you say, Jethro," Tony sighed as the hot water surrounded him. Damn, but that felt good. He grinned as he felt Gibbs slip in behind him, and rested his head on Gibbs' chest.

"One day I'm gonna make you sit in front," Tony commented.

Gibbs chuckled, "Nah, you like being held too much."

"Does that make me a wimp?" Tony asked suspiciously.

"Nope," Gibbs said wrapping his arms around him, "You're a hedonist."

"And I had a neglectful home life, void of any love and affection," Tony recited knowing what Gibbs was thinking.

"And that," Gibbs agreed, "But I am more than happy to touch you anytime you want."

"You just like that I enjoy you slapping the back of my head," Tony said with a grin.

Gibbs shrugged unabashed, "It was enough that you didn't run off the first time I did it. Just a bonus you seemed to like it. I'd be a bit worried if you enjoyed it if I slapped your face though."

Tony snorted, "Like you'd do that," he said linking their fingers, "But on the off chance you did, I'd leave and burn your boat."

He felt Gibbs grin against the back of his neck, "Good."

Tony looked up, "Good?" he asked indignantly, "You should be devastated at the very thought of me leaving."

"Nah," Gibbs shrugged, "I wouldn't want you to stick around if I hit you like that."

"Good thing it won't ever happen," Tony said settling further against Gibbs, pushing down against his lovers cock with his ass.

Gibbs groaned, "You're insatiable."

Tony grinned, "Nope. I'm just a hedonist. I like to be touched."

"You like it more if you get an orgasm at the end of it," Gibbs muttered but moved his hips upwards, his cock sliding between Tony's cheeks.

Tony groaned as Gibbs' hand snaked around and grabbed his cock, "Who doesn't?"

Gibbs gave a breathy laugh and then continued to get them off like that; slow and easy. His cock rubbed against his hole, driving him crazy, but even as he was begging for more Gibbs refused to give even. Eventually Gibbs drove him over the edge, and as he came down from his post orgasmic high, he felt Gibbs shudder against didn't want to move, but the steadily cooling, and now dirty water was enough to cause both him and Gibbs to force them out of the bath. Tony didn't complain when Gibbs grabbed one of his towels, the nice fluffy one that Tony insisted Gibbs buy, and started to dry him off. The fabric felt amazing against his sensitive skin and Gibbs knew it. It also served to nearly put him to sleep.

"Come on," Gibbs said amused, and when had he gotten dry anyway?

Tony sleepily followed Gibbs to the bed and sighed as he settled himself in the cool sheets. He rested his slightly damp head on Gibbs' chest as Gibbs crawled in next to him, "I am so the girl in this relationship," he muttered.

"I could always start bottoming if you like," Gibbs said with a grin.

Tony glared. Gibbs knew damn well that Tony preferred to bottom. He might like being in control with women, but he definitely did not with men. And Gibbs did not like bottoming, "That was a disaster and you know it," Tony said.

It *had* been a complete disaster. Tony had been so uncertain of himself, and while it had felt amazing that Gibbs trusted him to do it, it had also been obvious that neither of them were enjoying it. Tony had kept stopping to ask if Gibbs was alright, because Gibbs was barely even hard, and it wasn't that Gibbs was hurting, he just wasn't enjoying it. In the end Gibbs had had enough and he'd flipped them over and fucked Tony through the mattress.

Gibbs chest rumbled as he laughed quietly, "Yeah it was," he said, "But I needed to know you weren't just bottoming to please me."

"Believe me, I wasn't," Tony said grinning, "That was and still is done based on purely selfish reasons."

Gibbs snorted, "I have definitely figured that out by now, DiNozzo."

Though they both knew that if Gibbs asked Tony to top him, Tony would do it, no matter how much he didn't enjoy it. Because really, when did Tony ever actually say no to Gibbs? Tony knew Gibbs worried about that sometimes, the amount of control he had over him but Tony wasn't concerned. He knew he could say no to Gibbs if he wanted to. He just didn't want to.

Tony felt Gibbs turn over the hand that was lying on his chest and watched as Gibbs' fingers traced the veins underneath the skin. He thought he should feel a little bad that Gibbs was burdened with this, but the truth was he wasn't. It was nice to know that Gibbs knew, and that he wasn't hiding something so big. He knew everything about Gibbs, albeit he had found out about Shannon and Kelly the same way everyone else had. But that was before they were together so Tony didn't mind all that much.

"I'm glad you told me," Gibbs whispered.

"Me too," Tony said mesmerized by the way Gibbs' fingers traced different patterns on his wrist. And Gibbs really was right; he was such a hedonist, but especially for Gibbs. Tony didn't think there was anybody else he could crave head slaps from.

He didn't think Gibbs would let this be the only time they talked about what Tony had done back then. Attempted suicide was something pretty major, even if Tony didn't think of it that way when it came to himself. But Gibbs would, and Tony knew that this would be bugging his lover for a long time. Gibbs had done very well to let it drop when he had, though Tony suspected that Gibbs felt a little bad for harassing about his parents again. Tony couldn't help but feel a little warmed by that though, that Gibbs had such issues with his parents for neglecting him. And for knocking him down the stairs. Accidentally of course. It was nice to know Gibbs cared about all the shit that happened to him before they met.

"Stop thinking so much," Gibbs muttered sleepily, "Go to sleep."

"You can make me do a lot of things, Jethro, but sleep is not one of them. It's not even late," Tony complained even as he felt his eyes fall shut.

"Stop talking," Gibbs said, but Tony barely heard him. He just let sleep claim him.

* * *

This was written for the NCIS bigbang challenge over at Livejournal. Hope you like it :] It's completed and I'll post the rest of it sometime tomorrow or the day after!

Let me know what you think :]

Also, thanks heaps to finlaure for the beta! :]


	2. Chapter 2

He wasn't surprised he had a nightmare. With his tendency for them and with everything they talked about last night it wasn't surprising that one came up. What Tony was surprised about however, was the ferocity of it. That and the clarity.

He was watching himself when he was fifteen, leaning back against the locked bathroom door with the razor blade in one hand. Tony could see the resolute look on his own face and he rolled back the sleeves, exposing the fresh cuts and old scars. Christ, but that looked bad. Tony didn't remember it ever looking that bad. He hoped it was just the nightmare exaggerating things, but he wasn't sure. The fact that they were mostly superficial didn't stop them from looking bad.

His fifteen year old self did not cry, Tony knew by that stage he was too far gone for tears. They wouldn't come anymore. By then he just felt numb. At some stage he had gone from trying to take away the pain of his mother's death and father's neglect to simply trying to feel anything. But watching himself now, Tony knew this was when he'd had enough.

He tried to move forward as he saw himself drag the blade slowly and deeply across one wrist before repeating the same process on the other. There was no emotion, no hesitation or fear. It was cool and calculated. He had known exactly what he wanted to do. Even as blood gushed from the gashes in each wrist, there was no effort to stem the flow.

Tony was yelling at himself now, trying to get him to move, but there was no response. He tried telling himself about Gibbs and everything he had to look forward to, but still nothing. In the end he could only watch as the life faded from his eyes, and the color from his skin. Eventually there was no life at all. Tony was frozen looking at the freshly dead corpse of his fifteen year old self. The blood had stopped gushing now, it was merely a trickle, a sign that only a moment before there was life, and now there was none. His eyes were glassy and unmoving and at that moment he reminded himself exactly of Amanda.

Tony flinched as the door was jostled before his father kicked it in. The look on his face made Tony feel sick. There wasn't even a moment of grief over his son's death. Right then Tony knew that the only thing his dream father (though his real father would probably have reacted the same) cared about was how this was going to look in his next business meeting.

"Jesus, Anthony," Tony heard his father say before he yelled for the housekeeper and staff.

Tony lost it then.

"You fucking miserable piece of shit," Tony screamed, "You bastard. You didn't even give a shit. I could have shot myself in front of you and you wouldn't have batted an eyelash."

His father did nothing, but still Tony yelled and screamed. He knew it wasn't real. His father hadn't even visited him in the hospital, but couldn't stop himself. He was saying everything he wished he had said back then. He kept fighting the invisible restraints holding him still until he was rudely shoved from his dream and faced with Gibbs' eyes hovering worriedly over him.

"You awake now?" Gibbs asked like he had been trying to wake him up for a while. There was no mistaking the concern in his voice.

"Yeah," Tony said hoarsely, and he wondered just how loudly he had been yelling for his throat to feel this sore, "Yeah, I'm good. I'm just gonna grab some water."

Gibbs stopped him as he made to head to the bathroom, "I'll get it. Wait here."

Tony nodded, too exhausted to argue. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was six in the morning. At least he had managed to get a decent amount of sleep before the nightmare. It meant the exhaustion was only temporary.

He was surprised when Gibbs went downstairs instead of to the bathroom, but that faded when he smelt the coffee. He hoped that Gibbs hadn't made him a cup. He didn't think his stomach could handle that. He sat up as Gibbs waked back into the room carrying water, coffee, and toast.

"You need to eat," Gibbs said by way of explanation handing Tony the two pieces.

Plain toast sounded like heaven right now. He gulped down the water before rapidly consuming the first piece and starting on the second.

"Slow down," Gibbs ordered grabbing his arm, "You'll be sick."

"Okay," Tony said before slowly munching away at the toast.

He could feel Gibbs' gaze on him making him fidget.

"What?" he snapped.

"You know what?" Gibbs said simply, sipping his coffee.

"I don't want to talk about it," Tony said angrily biting into the toast.

"Alright," But Gibbs' gaze didn't waver.

"Well can you stop looking at me like that then," Tony said chucking the half eaten toast on the bedside table. He wasn't hungry anymore.

"Will it help?" Gibbs asked curiously.

Tony glared at him waiting for clarification.

"If I stop looking at you. That gonna make you feel any better?" Gibbs amended.

"No," Tony said petulantly.

Then Gibbs put his empty mug down and leaned back against the headboard. Tony couldn't resist and moved over, resting his head on Gibbs' lap.

He sighed as Gibbs ran his finger through his hair, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Gibbs said softly.

"No, you got up and made me toast and I acted like an ass," Tony said relaxing further and Gibbs fingernails grazed his scalp making his eyes heavy again. But he couldn't go back to sleep after that.

Gibbs didn't say anything. He just waited for Tony to speak.

"He didn't even care," Tony forced out bitterly, "He was just pissed that it might get out and give him a bad name. So he made sure no one found out."

"He's an asshole," Gibbs said simply, but you didn't have to be fluent in Gibbs speak, as Tony was, to hear the underlying anger.

"After I was out of hospital he came into my room when he was drunk and told me that I couldn't do anything right. He said I should have used a gun and done it properly. Then he tossed his handgun on my bed and walked out," Tony admitted.

Gibbs' hand stilled in his hair, and Tony could feel the anger radiating off him.

"Tony," Gibbs said his voice deceptively still, but the anger definitely wasn't underlying now. It was there clear as day.

"Yeah?" Tony hedged not wanting to look up.

"If I ever meet your father I am going to punch him in the face," Gibbs said before continuing in that same deadly tone, "And then I am going to try very hard not to shoot the bastard, only because I know that even after the shit he put you through, you'd still be upset. That is the only reason, or else I would be on my way to Long Island with a loaded gun right now."

Tony allowed himself a small smile at Gibbs' anger, "You know what's funny though?"

"I don't see how anything could possibly be funny after that," Gibbs said dangerously.

Tony rolled onto his stomach and looked up at Gibbs, "Him giving me that gun was the only reason I *didn't* go ahead and use one. I figured me being alive hurt him more than me being dead so I made myself as alive and as noticeable as possible."

Gibbs didn't smile but he ran cupped his hand to Tony's face, "It shouldn't surprise me that your desire to piss people off kept you alive," he said gruffly and Tony knew he was trying to not make a big deal about it.

"You're allowed to be angry," Tony supplied helpfully, "You don't have to try and hide it from me."

"I don't think it would be beneficial to our relationship if I told you everything I wanted to do to your father," Gibbs said quietly.

"You sound like a shrink," Tony tried to joke before adding, "Worse than shooting him?"

Gibbs nodded, "Much, much worse."

"Good," Tony said. Gibbs was right. He would still be upset if his father died, but only because it would mean that there would be no chance for him to say he was sorry. No chance that he would admit that he was wrong and Tony would be left knowing that without a doubt his father had wanted him to put a bullet in his head that night.

Realistically, Tony knew that it wasn't going to happen. His father had meant every word he said, but Tony still could hope and Gibbs wouldn't take that away from. That didn't mean that Tony couldn't enjoy the fact that Gibbs was making all these plans on how to cause his father as much pain as possible. That was nice to know.

"Can you go back to sleep?" Gibbs asked.

Tony involuntarily shivered. Just the thought that he might end up back in that dream made him feel sick.

"No," he said firmly, "But don't you get up," he added quickly, "I'm just gonna watch TV for a couple of hours."

Gibbs just gave him an indecipherable look and rolled out of the bed. Tony spared a moment to run an appreciative glance over his lover's body before he complained, "Gibbs, you can't get up at six in the morning just because I had a bad dream."

"Watch me," Gibbs said throwing on his old jeans that he knew Tony loved. The fact that he was going commando made them even hotter.  
"It's a lot easier to watch when you're getting undressed," Tony said pointedly, "Though in those jeans..." Tony trailed off before getting back on track, ignoring Gibbs' amused look, "You're going to make me feel guilty."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, "DiNozzo, when I had that nightmare at two in the morning, did you leave me alone downstairs with the boat?"

"No," Tony admitted reluctantly.

"That's right," Gibbs continued, "You got up and stayed down there with me even though I was being a grumpy bastard, and then you worked a twelve hour day on top of that."

Tony sighed, but he got the point. Waking up to hear Gibbs yell like that was definitely one of the worst things he had experienced. Hearing him yell out his dead daughter's name, in that anguished tone, had almost put Tony in a worse state than Gibbs. Although Gibbs had made it clear when he woke up that Tony was under no obligation to stay awake, Tony couldn't leave Gibbs. He definitely would not have been able to go back to sleep.

"Point taken," Tony muttered as he got up.

Gibbs moved over to him and pulled him in for a searing kiss, one which cared little for morning breath or nightmares. Tony groaned as he felt Gibbs' hand grab and squeeze his ass before he was lightly pushed away towards his clothes.

"Tease," Tony threw over his shoulder.

"Only if you don't deliver," Gibbs said with his eyes fixed on Tony's ass, "And believe me, DiNozzo, I plan to deliver."

Tony felt himself grow hard at Gibbs' words and the predatory look on his face.

"Soon?" he asked hopefully.

Gibbs' grin was feral, "Later."

Tony groaned, "You do mean later today right?"

Gibbs nodded, "I'm not gonna wait that long. I'm not a saint, Tony. Now get dressed, we're going to go for a drive."

"Where to?" Tony asked walking into the bathroom to grab his clothes. He hid a grin we he saw they were still tossed messily on the floor.

"Haven't decided yet," Gibbs called back, and Tony could hear him start to walk down the stairs.

He yawned as he tried to fix his hair into some semblance of style but it refused to be tamed. He gave up and quickly splashed some cold water on his face. He sighed as he dried his hands. He would much rather be curled up in bed with Gibbs right now than about to embark on a drive to god knows where. But Tony didn't want to risk falling back asleep. The risk of revisiting that nightmare was too great.  
His stomach gave a little growl as he smelt bacon coming from downstairs. Tony was thankful that the nausea has passed. The toast had done its job. He was definitely ready for something with a little more substance. He walked down the stairs two at a time just in time to see Gibbs dish up the bacon with some eggs on two plates.

"Aww, you made me breakfast," Tony said with a grin throwing himself into one of the kitchen chairs.

"I made myself some breakfast too," Gibbs commented handing Tony his plate.

"But you still made me some," Tony said through a mouthful of bacon. Normally Gibbs would have commented on his speaking with his mouth full, but Tony could see Gibbs was glad he was eating. Sometimes when he had a really bad nightmare, he wouldn't be able to eat all day. That had taken Gibbs a while to get used to, and he hadn't been happy about it.

Gibbs pushed a mug of coffee towards him and Tony took a grateful sip, surprised when he wasn't hit with the intense bitter taste of Gibbs' normal coffee. Gibbs normally didn't bother putting any of Tony's hazelnut creamer in his coffee, to Gibbs that was like breaking the almighty coffee laws and he rarely did it. In fact the last time he had doctored a cup of coffee to Tony's preferred standards was after Tony had pulled him and Maddy out of the water.

"You fixed my coffee," Tony stated.

Gibbs nodded, but remained focused on his breakfast.

"You're not going to start doing it every day are you?" Tony asked suspiciously, "'Cause I thought this coddling thing was only meant last a day at the most."

"I'm not coddling you," Gibbs said glancing up at him through narrowed eyes, "And would you care if you did? I thought that's how you liked it."

"It is," Tony assured him, "But I was just starting to develop a tolerance for your coffee, I still don't like it," Tony quickly added before Gibbs got any ideas, "But it doesn't rip my stomach lining when I drink it now. I don't want all those days of forcing it down to have been a wasted effort."

Gibbs snorted, "Don't worry, DiNozzo, I'm not going to make you froufrou coffee every morning. I do have an image to maintain."

"It's not froufrou," Tony exclaimed indignantly, "its drinkable."

"It's ruined," Gibbs said flatly, but Tony could read the amusement hiding behind that blank facade.

"Maybe," he allowed, "But you made it for me, so you can't be completely adverse to it."

"Oh no, believe me, I am completely adverse to the idea of drinking coffee that doesn't taste like coffee," Gibbs said slowly, "But I'm not against making you that coffee when you wake up screaming."

Tony paused, "You can be such a sap sometimes, Gibbs."

Gibbs rolled his eyes, "No one would believe you if you told them, so don't bother."

"Like I would," Tony said as he finished off his breakfast, "I'd like to keep working on your team, if that's alright by you."

They hadn't told anyone about their relationship, thought they were sure Ducky and Abby knew. And lately Tony was beginning to suspect that Tim and Ziva weren't as unsuspecting as they'd hoped. It was hard sometimes. Tony had to force himself to act like a worried subordinate as opposed to a scared shitless lover whenever Gibbs had to put his ass in the line of fire. And Gibbs had plenty of issues acting like Tony's Boss when he got hurt, but thankfully Gibbs had always acted like a bear whenever anyone got hurt, so he'd been able to hide behind that. Mostly. Gibbs' twenty minute chewing out of Tony in the elevator had raised some eyebrows, especially since Tony hadn't gotten hurt and everything had worked out fine. Luckily no one had said anything, and Tony and Gibbs both hoped that it would just fade over.

"Don't know how much longer everyone's going to pretend to stay in the dark for though," Gibbs said meaningfully. They hadn't really discussed what they would do if everyone did find out, and Tony wasn't really in the mood to have that conversation now. He knew that Gibbs wouldn't abandon what they had – mostly, he was still a little uncertain what would happen in relation to the job.

"Where are you planning on taking us?" Tony asked in what must have been the most blatant conversation diverting attempt ever.  
Thankfully Gibbs was still in his coddling zone, and probably would be amicable to most things Tony suggested for a while. Tony wasn't sure how long it would last this time though. When he got shot it was normally only a day or two. With the plague, Gibbs had been overbearing for almost a week before Tony had begged him to give him some room. And that had been before they were together. Tony couldn't imagine what Gibbs would have been like if they'd been together. He didn't think he'd have been able to piss by himself, let alone go on those runs. It wasn't like Gibbs babied him, hell; Tony didn't think Gibbs knew how to baby someone. It was more he had to keep Tony in his sights at all times, like he had to prevent anything else happening to him. And he was a little more accommodating than he normally was. Tony knew it was partly because whenever something happened, Gibbs couldn't help but feel guilty.

Knowing Gibbs he was probably feeling guilty about this as well. Even though there was nothing Gibbs could have done to stop Tony at the time, he would still feel like he should have picked up that something bad had happened when he was younger. The simple fact was, Tony hadn't wanted Gibbs to know.

Most people thought that he would have been your average jock teenager, only worrying about girls and parties. Gibbs hadn't bought into that image at all, but he hadn't looked any harder. Tony knew he could tell Gibbs all of this and more, but nothing would make Gibbs feel any better. The guilt was something that Gibbs would have to work through on his own. But at least Tony could be there to convince him that he was alright, that he was still there.

"Still haven't decided yet." Gibbs shrugged, "I figured I'd just make it up as we went along.

"As long as we don't end up in Canada," Tony said as he brushed past Gibbs and placed his plate in the sink.

"That would be one hell of a drive, DiNozzo," Gibbs commented, "You ready?"

"Just gonna brush my teeth. Which you should too, by the way," Tony said cheekily, "I don't want any more morning breath kisses."

Tony tried to slide past Gibbs as he spoke and tried to run as Gibbs grabbed him but he was too slow. He mock struggled as Gibbs pinned him against the door, and tried to keep his face away from Gibbs'. But Gibbs used his free arm to tilt Tony's face upward before kissing him firmly. Tony tried to not succumb to the kiss, but he failed. Miserably. All too soon he got that familiar dizzy feeling whenever Gibbs was kissing him like this, hard and possessive, and he didn't want it to end. He thought he could spend the entire day kissing Gibbs and not get bored. The man had a wicked tongue, something which he was exploiting right now.

Tony rubbed up against Gibbs clumsily. "You gonna finish what you started now?" he asked breathlessly.

Gibbs looked tempted but to Tony's horror shook his head, "Nope, I've got plans."

"Do these plans involve your dick and my ass?" Tony asked.

Gibbs grinned, "They do. Now come on, teeth, and then we're leaving."

They brushed their teeth quickly, Tony accidentally (deliberately) getting toothpaste on Gibbs' shirt, causing the other man to have to change. That lead to a whole other round of making out on the bed, and again against on the stairs when Tony tripped. By accident of course.

"You're being very clumsy this morning," Gibbs said his face straight. It would have been more effective if his hair wasn't sticking up all over the place.

"I get like that when I'm horny," Tony told him bluntly, "Now hurry up. I want to get to wherever we're going. Fast."

"Impatient aren't we?" Gibbs said teasingly as they pulled out of the garage and sped down the street.

"Like you can talk," Tony shot at him, "Besides you keep jumping me. How am I supposed to be patient with the hard on from hell?"

"It'll be worth it," Gibbs said knowingly.

As usual, Gibbs was right.

They'd driven around aimlessly for a couple of hours, until Tony finally talked himself out and was silently looking out the window. He suspected that Gibbs was waiting for him to stop pretending he was okay. Tony couldn't help it; he'd only ever seen two options. Whenever things got too bad he'd either be cutting or pretending nothing had happened. There was no third option. But then he'd met Gibbs and hurting himself definitely wasn't an option, and oddly enough pretending nothing was wrong suddenly wasn't one either. He'd found a third option. Even before they had gotten together, whenever Gibbs felt like something was really bothering Tony he'd drag him over to his place for steak and beer.

Gibbs usually knew what was bothering Tony so badly. Most of the time it was a case that had just got to him and Gibbs would just offer his silent support. And sometimes let him get drunk. But it had to be a pretty bad case for him to let that happen. However, sometimes the memories from his childhood were just too much and he didn't know how to handle them without his old options. Even then, when Gibbs had no idea what was going in Tony's mind he would still bring him over and distract him. After they got together it was mostly the same, except Tony would talk more about what was bothering him; including his childhood. He just avoided the self harming issue.  
Tony glanced across at Gibbs as the pulled over, down a secluded offbeat track.

"Where the hell are we?" he asked.

"Just out of town," Gibbs said cryptically, "Don't know where exactly."

"Is that your way of telling me we're lost?" Tony asked suspiciously.

Gibbs rolled his eyes, "I don't get lost. So no, I've been here before."

"When?" Tony asked getting out of the car.

"There's a hiking trail just over there," Gibbs indicated, "Used to come here when a case was bothering me."

"Are we hiking?" Tony asked.

"Yup," Gibbs grabbed a backpack and tossed it over his shoulder, "Come on."

"I'm in jeans," Tony whined.

"I'm not gonna make you go up the hill," Gibbs tossed over his shoulder, "There's a flat walking trail too. It's only an hour walk around."

Walking for an hour didn't sound that bad. The weather was good, not too hot but not cold. He had issues with exercise in the cold because of his lungs. Even walking would sometimes make his chest tighten uncomfortably.

Tony found himself relaxing slightly as they walked through the bushy track. Gibbs kept a nice steady pace, so Tony was able to enjoy the scenery. When he had moments like this with Gibbs, where they could be silent and just enjoy simple things like going for a walk on their day off, Tony was damn glad that the housekeeper had found him that day. Glad that he'd done it against the door, so she'd noticed the blood early. That's why nightmares like the one last night scared the shit out of him. It really could have happened exactly like that. Rosa could have easily left the bathroom for last and his father could have kicked the door in and found him. And not cared. He could never have met Gibbs and had any of this. Thankfully, Rosa had found him and all of those fears only became true in his dreams.

"Ready for lunch?" Gibbs asked.

"How long have we been walking?"

"About half an hour," Gibbs answered tossing the backpack down on the track. He reached in and grabbed a roll and tossed it at Tony.

Tony flopped down next to Gibbs and peered at the roll.

"Hey, it's my favorite," he exclaimed happily taking a bite.

"I know," Gibbs said biting into his own roll.

"How?" Tony asked curiously.

"I've seen you buy it often enough," Gibbs said leaning back against a tree, "It's something you tend to pick up on."

Tony hadn't really had anyone pick up on any favorites of his, so he figured he could be excused for not being surprised, "I don't know your favorite sandwich," Tony said with a frown.

"No," Gibbs agreed, "But you know exactly what coffee to get me from four different coffee shops."

"Oh yeah." Tony grinned, reassured that he wasn't making some huge relationship faux pas.

They ate in companionable silence, with Tony trying to ignore Gibbs tracing patterns on his inner thigh.

"You're teasing me again," Tony glared, "Not nice."

"Maybe this isn't teasing," Gibbs said with small grin.

Tony looked at him suspiciously for a moment, "No, you're still teasing."

Gibbs chuckled, "Alright you got me, come on. I'm tired of teasing."

Tony's eyes lit up. "Finally," he exclaimed.

"Back to the car," Gibbs said grabbing the pack.

They made it back to the car in fifteen minutes. Tony was slightly breathless when they arrived, but he didn't want to prolong it longer than he had to. He was getting desperate now.

"Two hour drive and then you get to deliver," he said with a grin.

Gibbs turned and looked at him with a predatory gleam in his eyes. "Who said anything about waiting two hours?" Gibbs walked towards him and pressed him up against the hood of the charger.

Tony gasped when he felt Gibbs' hard groin press up against his. "You're not serious," he said, eyes wide, "Out here? In the wide open? On the charger?"

"Don't tell me you've never thought of it?" Gibbs said as he nuzzled Tony's neck, his tongue tracing sinful patterns.

Tony shuddered, "Of course I have. I just never thought *you* had."

"You make me think about lots things, Tony," Gibbs said huskily before spinning him round. Tony fell forward with his hands planted on the hood of the charger. Just the sight of the car, all shiny and polished, in front of him, and Gibbs pressing against him from behind was enough to make him groan.

"Oh, God," he said lowly. "I am never going to be able to sit in this car comfortably again."

"That's a pity," Gibbs commented from behind him, where his hands were making quick work of Tony's jeans, "'Cause I was gonna let you drive it back. But if you don't think you'll be up for it," Gibbs trailed off.

Tony stilled, "No way? You'd let me drive it?"

"Sure," Gibbs all but purred in his ear, "Afterwards. If you think your gonna be up for it."

Tony shivered as he felt the air brush over his skin. He couldn't believe Gibbs was actually going to fuck him right out here in the open. And against the charger. This was like every fantasy Tony had ever had come to life. And obviously Gibbs knew that.

"I'll definitely be up for it," Tony groaned out as Gibbs slipped a finger inside him. He had no idea where the hell Gibbs had hid the lube, but he wasn't going to complain, "More," he gasped impatiently.

"You're eager today," Gibbs said as another finger joined the first.

"I wonder why that is?" Tony shot back breathlessly and arched back as Gibbs crooked his fingers just the way he liked, "Bastard."

"You know you love me," Gibbs said smugly, slowly thrusting his fingers in and out of Tony's welcoming body.

Tony let out an embarrassing mewl, but really, who could blame him. Gibbs made it impossible to keep control when he was like this. Tony had given up on stifling any noises Gibbs elicited.

"You don't have to worry about being quiet," Gibbs whispered in his ear, arching his fingers again. Tony whimpered as Gibbs inserted a third finger, and tried to thrust, but Gibbs had pinned him firmly against the car.

"What if some innocent hi—hikers come running to see who was murdered?" Tony managed to gasp out.

"Then we'll make a break for it," Gibbs said.

Tony didn't bother responding, he just lost himself in the feel of Gibbs' fingers moving and the feel of the cool metal beneath his hands. He groaned when Gibbs removed his fingers. He was quickly appeased when he felt the blunt head of Gibbs cock push at his entrance.

"Oh, fuck," Tony moaned and tried to get more, but Gibbs wasn't having any of it. He pushed in with an agonizing slowness, drawing out every second until he bottomed out, "You feel so good," Tony said, and his voice was so rough he barely recognized it, "Move."

So Gibbs did. Slowly, very slowly. He drew out every thrust, pulling almost all the way out before pushing back in at that same infuriating pace. It was driving Tony mad. He didn't even know what words were spilling out of his mouth, all he knew was he needed more.

"Please," Tony finally managed, "More, Jethro. I need more."

"Okay," Gibbs finally gave in and started really thrusting. Tony cried out as Gibbs hit his prostate with ease. His nerves were on fire and he could feel his orgasm start to build slowly, and Christ, Gibbs hadn't even touched his cock.

"Gonna make you come just like this." Gibbs voice was low and rough in his ear, "Just from my cock in your ass. And you're gonna do it, aren't you, Tony? You're gonna come for me?"

Tony nodded, unable to do anything else. He almost sobbed in relief as orgasm finally overtook him and his world blacked out. He barely noticed as Gibbs' thrusts began to falter and warmth flooded through him. He just lay there enjoying the heavy weight of Gibbs across his back.

"Worth it?" Gibbs asked breathlessly.

"Definitely," Tony said happily. Gibbs certainly had a knack for making him feel normal again.

Gibbs pulled out and tugged Tony around so they were facing before pulling him in for a kiss.

"I'm still driving home," Tony said as they pulled apart.

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Sure. It must be important to you if that's what you're thinking about right after sex."

Tony grinned. He knew Gibbs was teasing him, "Sure, but don't worry, I'll definitely be feeling you all the way back."

"Yeah you will," Gibbs said deadpanned, "I didn't bring anything to clean up with."

Tony froze as the implications of that sunk in, "You are such a bastard."

Gibbs shrugged, "Never denied it. Besides, I'm just staking my claim."

"And fucking me over the hood of your car wasn't enough?" Tony asked incredulously, "You have to leave me like this as well?"

Gibbs gave his best cheeky boy grin, and Tony couldn't be bothered to pretend to be angry any more. "I'm still driving," he muttered with a smile as he pulled up his pants.

Gibbs just tossed him the keys. Tony walked over to him and gave him a chaste kiss and whispered, "Thanks," before getting in the driver's seat. Both he and Gibbs knew that he wasn't thanking him for letting him drive home. He was thanking him for getting up at six in the morning on a Sunday, and driving out to the middle of nowhere just to keep his mind off everything. And Tony was pretty damn grateful he'd done it. Getting to drive the charger home was just a bonus.

The drive home was much more enjoyable than the one up. Conversation flowed easily, and Tony didn't feel the need to try and avoid everything that they'd talked about over the weekend. Gibbs knew now and there was no point in still acting like none of it had ever happened.

"I don't think he actually remembered giving me the gun," Tony said with a frown.

He could see Gibbs turn to face him out of the corner of his eye, "How could he not remember that?"

"He was really drunk that night," Tony said softly, "Well, he was drunk most of the time, but more so that night. I don't think he even remembered seeing me the next morning."

Gibbs frowned. "I hope you don't think that gives him any excuse for what he did."

"No, I don't," Tony said firmly. "Alcohol or not, that was totally wrong. Even then I knew that."

"You just had trouble believing it," Gibbs finished softly.

"Yeah," Tony said with a weak smile, "But I believe it now."

"Good," Gibbs said turning back. "But I'm still going to punch him if I ever meet him."

Tony grinned. "I know. I'm kind of hoping you will. I think he's sobered up now," Tony added as an afterthought.

"You still talk to him?" Gibbs asked. "Other than the stupid presents he insists on sending every year."

"We've exchanged a couple of phone calls over the years," Tony said quietly. "I don't think he understands what he did wrong. He knows he neglected me, but not the rest. And he still thinks the whole self harming issue was for attention."

"He thought you cut yourself to get attention," Gibbs stated, and Tony could tell Gibbs' opinion of his father was not getting any better.

"People do hurt themselves for attention in some cases, Jethro," Tony said softly. "Not like they want to be the centre of attention, but they're just sick of being in the shadows. They just want to be noticed."

"But that's not why you did it," Gibbs said cautiously.

"No," Tony said firmly. "If I'd wanted attention I would have stolen the car or something equally stupid. This was about escape when things got to be too much."

Gibbs sighed. "I don't understand it," he admitted, and Tony could hear the frustration in his voice.

"It's okay," he said reaching over and grabbing Gibbs' hand. "I don't think most people understand it."

"I want to, though," Gibbs said in frustration.

"I don't need you to understand," Tony said softly. "I just need you to accept it, accept that it happened, and accept that it won't *ever* happen again. And you're doing that. I'm just hoping that I can enjoy this new method of coddling you've discovered."

Gibbs snorted. "New method of coddling?"

"Sex against the car and letting me drive the car was not in the old coddling handbook. I like this stuff better," Tony said with a grin.

"Well, I didn't think the old stuff quite worked in this situation," Gibbs said softly. "So I decided to try something new."

"I notice you didn't deny coddling me," Tony said happily as they pulled into the garage.

Gibbs sighed. "Fine. Alright, I coddle you," he said the word in disdain. "But only for today. No coddling tomorrow."

"Does that mean I don't get to drive your car to work?" Tony asked cheekily.

"It does. Besides, that would raise a shitload of questions I don't wanna answer if you start driving my car to work," Gibbs said chucking the backpack on the floor and flopping down on the couch.

Tony grinned and the sight of Gibbs all stretched out on the couch. "I like seeing you like this," he admitted.

"Like what," Gibbs yawned with one arm tossed over his face.

"All domestic, you know dozing on the couch and stuff," Tony said.

"Well I can't be a bastard *all* the time," he said.

"Just most of the time," Tony teased. "I'm going to have a shower," he added pointedly.

Gibbs didn't reply and Tony realized he'd already fallen asleep. He gave a little smile and tossed a blanket over Gibbs, enjoying how relaxed he looked. It was nice to see Gibbs unguarded like this. It was something he took advantage of every time it happened. It was nice to know that Gibbs trusted him enough to act this way around him, to not keep up the bastard image he maintained at work.

The first few months of their relationship had been a little awkward, with both of them trying to figure out how to be around each other out of the office. But eventually Gibbs had started to be less demanding and controlling, and Tony had learned that he got to call the shots just as much as Gibbs. Things had progressed much more smoothly since then.

So Tony went and had his shower and when he came back down Gibbs was awake and watching the game. He curled up on the sofa and watched, laughing when he accidentally whacked Gibbs in the face with one of his flailing arms. He laughed even more when Gibbs threatened to make him pay, because when Gibbs made threats like that with Tony, they usually ended in sex. Nothing was different this time, and eventually Tony had to drag himself upstairs for *another* shower, only this one was better as Gibbs decided to join him.

* * *

Here's part two, hope you enjoy! :] Thanks again to finlaure for the beta.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day it was business as usual and they were back at work like nothing had ever happened, like Tony hadn't just spilled the biggest secret he had ever kept. Only everything had changed and they both knew it, it was like that secret had been this invisible wall between them and now that it was gone they were closer than they'd ever been. They worked flawlessly together at the office, and even at home things were better. There was no need for pushing to get either of them to open up. They both knew they could talk easily and comfortably about anything. Most days Tony felt like a love sick teenage girl, but he was starting to get used to it.

Of course it was right about then when his father had turned up at the office. That had been a total cluster fuck. As in the biggest cluster fuck Tony had ever had the pleasure of being involved in. Because Gibbs really had kept to his promise and punched his father. Right in the middle of the bullpen. And now he was in the director's office, most likely getting some form of formal reprimand because the director was getting sick of Gibbs punching people in the face.

"Why did Gibbs do that?" McGee asked quietly glancing over at Tony's father. Ducky was attending to him, and as usual, his father was spouting off some shit about lawyers and what not, only Tony knew that wasn't going to happen because his father was broke.

"Long, long story, Probie," Tony whispered back hoping that Gibbs would be back so he could avoid the conversation that his father was going to want to have.

"What did your father do to you?" Ziva asked angrily, and Tony could see she'd already jumped to the completely wrong conclusions, and was ready to finish what Gibbs had started.

"Nothing," Tony said hastily, "Not what you're thinking anyway. He never abused me or anything like that."

"Well it must have been bad," McGee said and Tony could hear the question in his voice. But Tony wasn't going to tell them, he couldn't tell them. Gibbs might be able to look and treat him normally, but that was Gibbs. He was the exception to every rule. McGee and Ziva would treat him differently, not on purpose, but they would worry after cases. Tony didn't think he could deal with it if he started feeling worried gazes on his arms at work.

"He was drunk," Tony said shortly. "He doesn't remember, and that's all you're getting. So scram."

For once both McGee and Ziva listened and went back over to their desks. It wasn't surprising that they'd jumped to all the wrong conclusions, especially given what Gibbs had said. Gibbs didn't yell, for which Tony was grateful for, but he had spoken silently and dangerously in his father's ear. Obviously his father hadn't got the warning because the next thing he was moving towards Tony and Gibbs was decking him one.

Tony looked up as Gibbs slammed the director's door behind him as he stormed out. He did not look pleased. Gibbs ignored Tony's father as he walked towards the elevator, indicating for Tony to follow. Tony did, ignoring his father's protests.

Gibbs waited until the elevator had just started its decent before hitting the stop button.

"Well this has been an exciting day," Tony started but stopped at the look on Gibbs' face.  
"You alright?" Gibbs asked.

Tony nodded. "It's not like he's had a chance to talk to me," he said with a little smile. He still couldn't quite believe that Gibbs had punched his father right in the middle of the bullpen.

"If I had my way he wouldn't get a chance at all," Gibbs said lowly. "But he is your father. So it's up to you."

"What did the director say?" Tony asked chancing the topic for now.

"Formal reprimand," Gibbs shrugged like it was no big deal. Previously, Tony would have been horrified that Gibbs had taken a formal reprimand because he was defending him, but Tony knew now that Gibbs had plenty of reprimands, and no one paid them any attention. If Gibbs said he didn't care about it, then he really didn't care.

Tony nodded. "That's not much of a surprise."

"You pissed off?" Gibbs asked, and he sounded almost worried. But he didn't sound like he regretted what he'd done in the least.

Tony shook his head. "It wasn't like you didn't warn me you were going to do it. Multiple times," he said with a slight grin. "And don't listen to all the lawyer crap he's spouting off. He's broke."

"I thought he was loaded?" Gibbs asked surprised.

"So did I," Tony said, "But I had McGee check what he'd been doing on my computer earlier. Turns out the money is all gone."

"You get a chance to talk to him at all earlier?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, briefly before we left for the case. Nothing important though," Tony said wryly, "Not really looking forward to talking with him now."

"You don't have to," Gibbs said quietly, but they both knew he did. Gibbs didn't want him to, Tony knew that for a fact, but Tony knew he needed to have this out. His father needed to know what he'd done and how badly he had screwed Tony over. He was done thinking it was his fault.

"No, I do," Tony running his fingers through his hair, "I'll take him out for dinner tonight. Hopefully being somewhere public will stop any drama."

Or lack of drama. Tony wasn't sure what he would do if his father didn't care that he'd said anything. Or, worse, if he actually always knew what he'd said and never thought anything of it.

"You want me to come?" Gibbs asked, and Tony laughed.

"I would, but I would like my father to show up." Tony leaned in a kissed Gibbs quickly.

Gibbs chuckled, "Don't want me to scare him off?"

Tony shook his head. "Depends on how he is tonight. If he's an ass I might take you up on your offer to shoot him."

"Wouldn't bother me," Gibbs shrugged, and leaned over to flick the switch.

"Did you break the elevator?" Tony asked suspiciously when the lights didn't flood back on, and the elevator didn't resume motion.

Gibbs ignored him and grabbed his cell. "McGee," he barked. "Why is the elevator not going?"

Tony watched curiously as McGee sprouted off what sounded like a whole bunch of geek-speak at Gibbs. Gibbs pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at in incredulously. "Fix it," he growled before hanging up.

"So," Tony asked impatiently when Gibbs didn't immediately inform him of what was going on.

"It's broken," Gibbs replied succinctly.

"Boss," Tony leaned back against the metal wall and slid down. "I'm not that stupid. What's wrong with it, and when's it gonna be fixed?"

Gibbs shrugged. "I don't know," he said as he moved to sit next to Tony. "Didn't understand a word of what McGee said."

"So we could be here all night?" Tony's head fell back as he loud out a loud groan of disgust. "Great. Just great."

"Spending all night with me in an elevator not fuelling any fantasies?" Gibbs asked, and Tony could hear the grin in his voice.

"You just don't want me to have dinner with my father tonight," Tony accused. "If I found out you set this up, you're not getting laid for a month."

"Hey," Gibbs said raising his hands. "Don't get hasty, I didn't do anything. And I doubt you could hold off for a month anyway," Gibbs had to add.

Tony narrowed his eyes, "Want to make that a bet."

"Nope," Gibbs said quickly. "You like annoying people so much you'd do it, just to piss me off. And then you'd probably jerk off really, really loudly in the bathroom just to make it worse."

"I would not," Tony started before pausing, "Actually, I totally would. But I'm glad you think I could abstain from sex for a month."

"You don't think you could do it?" Gibbs asked, and Tony tried to ignore the heavy weight of Gibbs' hand on his upper thigh. He was failing; miserably.

"With anyone else, yes. With you, no," Tony said a little breathlessly, which he wasn't to blame for because Gibbs' hand was moving further up his thigh, "I'm not a saint."

"That's good to know," Gibbs said leaning in and sucking gently on his earlobe. Tony gasped, and his head fell back against the wall.

"You sure there's no cameras in here," Tony forced out. It really would make this day even better if they got caught on camera making out in the elevator.

"Yup," Gibbs said, his breath ghosting over his ear, "And even if there were, no one would say anything."

"And why's that?" Tony asked titling his head to accept a mind blowing kiss from Gibbs.

"Because I told Jenny if I found any I'd quit." Tony was pleased to note that Gibbs' voice was breathless like his own.

"Can you imagine her face if she saw this?" Tony asked with a grin, "She'd probably banish me to Alaska."

"Hopefully she'd be a bit smarter than that," Gibbs said, tracing his finger over the inside of Tony's thigh, "She should know that I'd just quit and follow you."

"You'd leave NCIS if she sent me away?" Tony asked surprised, then winced. Gibbs' finger had stopped moving and Tony could feel Gibbs' gaze burning a hole in the side of his head.

"Tony," Gibbs said firmly, "Look at me."

"Do I have to?" Tony asked meekly even as he turned his head.

"You should know by now that I'd leave NCIS for you," Gibbs said softly.

"I do," Tony reassured quickly. He did know that, it was just that sometimes these stupid insecurities came up and he said dome shit like that just to hear Gibbs reassure him.

"Do you really?" Gibbs asked, and Tony hated that almost hurt look on his face, "'Cause I'm not so sure you do."

Tony sighed. "I do know you'd leave," he muttered, "But sometimes I just want to hear it."

"So you said that just to *hear* me tell you that I would leave for you," Gibbs clarified.

Tony nodded and turned his head away, not wanting to look at Gibbs. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut? If he had he probably would have gotten off by now. Instead he was stuck in a broken down elevator with a hurt Gibbs.

Gibbs sighed, "Tony, you shouldn't need to hear that by now."

"I know," Tony mumbled.

"Wait," Gibbs said firmly, "I haven't finished. You shouldn't need to hear it, but I understand why you do."

Tony felt Gibbs hand grab his arm and run his fingers over the skin on his wrist. By now, Gibbs almost knew where every scar was, and often he would trace them with his fingers, as if to reassure himself that that's all they were: just old scars.

Tony would say sorry, but he knew that wasn't what Gibbs wanted.

"I do know," Tony settled on saying, "Just like I know you love me. I'd like to say I won't say shit like that, but we'd both know I'd be lying."  
"It's alright," Gibbs said, "As long as you know, it's okay."

Tony sighed in relief, grateful that he hadn't pissed Gibbs off. Tony let his head fall onto Gibbs' shoulder, and they sat there for a while longer, not speaking as Gibbs repeatedly traced the old scars on Tony's wrist by memory.

"Do you mind?" Gibbs asked suddenly, his hand stilling.

Tony looked up, surprised, "Mind what?"

"That I touch them," Gibbs said jerking his head towards his wrist.

"No," Tony said quickly, "I don't. I like knowing you aren't grossed out that they're there, or anything else like that. I wouldn't want you to be all skittish around them."

"I don't do skittish," Gibbs growled.

"Gibbs," Tony said condescendingly, "You apparently don't do coddling either, but I know better than anyone that you do. So, I'm gonna say you do skittish as well."

"When?" Gibbs demanded. "When have I ever been skittish?"

Tony tried to stifle his laughter, but failed. "You should see your face," he said between bursts of laughter. "You're so easy sometimes."

Gibbs tried to fight off a smile, but Tony could see the way his eyes crinkled. "I am not easy, either, DiNozzo."

"Whatever," Tony said as the laughter died away, "I prefer your hands on approach to dealing with this."

"Good," Gibbs said finally, and his fingers started moving again.

As much as Tony revelled in the closeness with Gibbs, he was relieved when the elevator started up again. He and Gibbs scrambled to their feet just in time for the doors to slide open.

"Sorry, Boss," McGee said sheepishly, "Apparently pressing the emergency button too often isn't good for the elevator."

"Hah!" Tony exclaimed, "I knew it."

Gibbs turned to him and glared, "Anything else you want to add?"

Tony shook his head, "No, Boss."

"Good. Then you can go home," Gibbs said smoothly, and Tony had no doubt as to which home he was referring to. It wasn't like he spent any time at his apartment anymore.

"Boss?" McGee queried.

"You too, McGee," Gibbs sighed, "And tell Ziva."

"Uh, Boss?" Tony started, "The director is probably not going to be too pleased if we all just pack up and leave at three in the afternoon."

"Do I look like I care what the director thinks, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"No," Tony said, "No you don't. I'm just gonna go and grab my stuff."

Gibbs nodded, "You do that."

Tony wasn't surprised to see that his father had left already. Hell the man had probably high-tailed it out of there as soon as he could. That's probably what he would have done had Gibbs punched him in the face. Thankfully, Tony hadn't pissed Gibbs off enough for that to happen, so he was able to calmly grab his gear and drive over to Gibbs' house.

It wasn't that surprising that Gibbs had sent them home early, Tony thought as he pulled into the drive. He would probably want to talk to him about having dinner with his father. Or try and convince him not to. Either way, Tony was relieved to not be at the office.  
"What did the director say?" Tony asked from the couch, when Gibbs walked in the front door.

Gibbs sighed, "She rambled on about how I wasn't the director and I couldn't just send my team home whenever I felt like it," Gibbs dropped down next to him on the couch and quickly kissed the side of his mouth before snatching some of his popcorn, "She might have mentioned something about hitting my employee's parents, but I zoned out after the first five minutes."

Tony grinned, "Well, really she's actually right. You aren't meant to send us home this early, and you sure as hell aren't meant to punch people's parents in the face."

"I don't care what I'm not meant to do," Gibbs said stubbornly, "I'd punch him again if you'd let me."

Tony snorted, "Like I could stop you from punching him again."

Gibbs had the grace to look abashed.

"Well, no, you couldn't really," Gibbs said with a wry grin, "But I will try not to hit him again."

Tony shuffled over and lifted his feet so that they rested on Gibbs' lap, "I would appreciate that," he commented. "I do want to try and have some sort of a relationship with him."

Gibbs sighed, "I know you do, that's the only reason I only landed one punch. I won't pretend to understand why you want one, or like that you want one, but I'm not gonna stop you."

"What if I asked him around here for Christmas lunch?" Tony asked curiously. "We could call your dad. It could be a new family tradition."  
Gibbs looked so horrified that Tony laughed so hard he almost spilt the remaining popcorn.

"Tony," Gibbs said slowly, "My father might seem like a peaceful sort of man, but I guarantee if he met your father, he would shoot him."

"Don't worry," Tony said between the bursts of laughter that still spilled from his mouth, "Even if I wanted to see my father on Christmas, I doubt he'd want to see me."

"He should want to see you," Gibbs said angrily. "But at least now I'll have you to myself," he added.

"So you're not going to see your father," Tony hedged, the laughter dying away.

Gibbs shrugged, "Maybe. Haven't decided. Even if I did head up to Stillwater, you'd be coming."

"Coming as your Senior Field Agent who no one else wanted for the holidays, or coming as your lover of almost a year?" Tony asked cautiously.

"As my lover," Gibbs said firmly, "I'm not gonna lie to my father about this. If he has a problem with it then that's his loss."

"I don't think he'll have a problem," Tony said softly. He couldn't believe that anyone let alone Gibbs would want to introduce him to their parents, and at Christmas time no less. But then again, Tony knew to expect the unexpected when it came to Gibbs. They might not talk about it at the office, and they sure as hell weren't openly affectionate anywhere, but Gibbs had said right from the start that he wasn't going to do all that sneaking around crap. As their relationship had progressed, Gibbs had never once told Tony he couldn't stay the night, or made him park his car down the street. If people found out then they found out, Gibbs didn't really give a damn. Tony knew that if Abby or Ducky outright asked if they were dating, Gibbs would answer honestly. He was just glad that they hadn't asked yet, he wouldn't have been ready for people to know about him and Gibbs earlier. Now, Tony thought he was ready. Even if Jenny tried to transfer him, or worse, fire him, Gibbs was positive that Fornell would give them both jobs. Tony hadn't been pleased by the idea of working for the FBI, but it would be better than nothing.

Thankfully, it hadn't come to that yet. The director didn't know, and anyone else who did wasn't talking.

"No, I don't think he will either," Gibbs agreed, grabbing another handful of popcorn.

"Hey," Tony protested half heartedly, "I'm hungry."

"And whose fault's that?" Gibbs asked pointedly, "You're the one who didn't get lunch."

"I forgot." Tony shrugged. He often forgot to get lunch at work, snacking on stuff out of the vending machine was enough for him. Gibbs didn't like him skipping out on meals though, so recently he'd been having lunch more often than not.

"You've got dinner in a few hours at least," Gibbs frowned, "Try to eat something. What time's your reservation?"

"Seven," Tony said with a grimace, "And this is a high quality restaurant, Jethro. I am definitely going to be eating my fill."

Gibbs nodded and glanced across at the television, "What's this?"

"I'm not sure," Tony admitted, "Just something I found. Looks like a horror movie," he concluded when the running woman had her throat slit.

"I do not understand why people watch shit like this," Gibbs muttered disdainfully.

"Cheap thrills," Tony shrugged, "Thrillers are more my thing than horrors. But I couldn't be bothered finding something good."

"Well I am not spending my afternoon off watching this," Gibbs stated shoving Tony's feet off his lap.

"Jethro," Tony whined, "I was comfortable."

Gibbs rolled his eyes, "Too bad. I'm gonna go work on the boat."

"You always work on the boat," Tony grumbled even as he got up.

He yelped when Gibbs yanked him close and kissed him hungrily, "Well I could always be persuaded to do something else," Gibbs said with a grin, once they parted.

Tony laughed roughly, "Really. Well, I can be very, very good at persuading."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow, "Really? Well I think I should probably investigate that claim further. You know, just to be thorough. I am a federal agent after all."

Tony nodded seriously, "I think that's probably best. Wouldn't want you to get in trouble now, would we?" His hands tugged at Gibbs belt, and he sighed when he was able to slip his hands inside and feel the warm flesh that had been taunting him all day.

Gibbs gave a little grunt when one of Tony's hands grasped his cock and pulled it free, "No, we wouldn't want that."

"Jethro, shut up," Tony said firmly before dropping to his knees and taking Gibbs' cock in his mouth.

"Fuck." One of Gibbs' hands grabbed his shoulder, while the other grasped at his hair, tugging. "You look so good like that. On your knees for me."

Tony hummed in appreciation. He loved doing this for Gibbs, seeing his lover lose that tight control he kept up all day. It hadn't been something he particularly enjoyed with any other lover, but he had found a new love doing it for Gibbs. He could feel Gibbs thigh muscles quiver under his hands, and he moved forward, taking more of Gibbs' length into his mouth. He sucked hard, eliciting a strained moan from Gibbs. Gibbs started to thrust slightly, and Tony let his throat muscles relax as Gibbs hit the back of his throat.

"Oh shit," Gibbs ground out. "Never gonna get sick of this."

Tony continued his ministrations, one hand coming up to grasp Gibbs' balls and roll them in his palm. At the same time, he ran his tongue over the thick vein on the underside of Gibbs' cock, causing his lover to gasp and thrust erratically.

"Close," Gibbs forced out, and his hand tightened in Tony's hair.

Tony doubled his efforts and sucked that little bit harder, and was rewarded by Gibbs strangled moan and the bitter taste filling his mouth. He swallowed everything down, before pulling back and suckling lightly until Gibbs pulled himself away and slumped back on the couch.

"Fuck," he muttered with his hand tossed over his face, and cock still hanging out.

"You look like you just had your brains sucked out of your dick," Tony said smugly, as he grabbed the couch and pulled himself up.

Gibbs lifted his arm and mock-glared at him. "I did just get my brains sucked out my dick, smart ass."

Tony laughed before spreading his legs slightly. "So you gonna return the favor anytime soon."

"Maybe," Gibbs drawled, "When I can move."

"Come on!" Tony exclaimed. "That has got to be one of the best blow-jobs I have ever given you. You gotta give me something!"

Gibbs snorted but sat up and glanced down at Tony's lap. "Is it really that urgent?" he asked with a mock sigh. "I did really want to work on the boat." Gibbs glanced longingly towards the basement.

"You're a bastard," Tony concluded with a narrowed gaze. "Fine, well if you won't do anything I will."

Gibbs gaze darkened slightly, and Tony grinned. "I've totally found one of your fantasies. Haven't I, Boss?"

Gibbs didn't say anything but his eyes stayed glued to his lap. Tony undid his belt and quickly slid his pants and boxers off, and grasped his cock.

"You want to watch me get off, Boss?" Tony asked cheekily, running his thumb over the head of his cock, his breath hitching slightly. This was becoming just as much of a turn on for him as it was for Gibbs.

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah, DiNozzo. I want to watch you lose it. I want to see you aching for *me* to touch you. I want to watch you get yourself right to the edge, 'cause just before you fall off it, I'm gonna suck you all the way down."

Tony gave a guttural moan, and his hand sped up at the visual. As his hand worked at his cock, he moved his other to tease at his entrance. He gasped slightly at the dry invasion, but it brought him that much closer. He was fascinated by the way Gibbs was watching his. His eyes weren't sure where to look, sometimes they were focused on the way his hand moved up and down his length, and sometimes they were focused on the way Tony moved his finger in and out of his body.

"Gibbs," Tony gasped as he felt the pool of warmth settle deep in his body and start to spread. "Please. Now."

Gibbs didn't hesitate. He moved in and swallowed Tony down in one go, causing him to cry out.

"Fuck, Gibbs." Tony pumped his hips up and emptied himself into Gibbs' welcoming mouth, and kept working his finger, teasing his prostate as his world turned white.

Tony slid his finger out as Gibbs pulled away, and slumped sideways, resting his head on Gibbs' shoulder.

"Fuck," he muttered. "That was hot."

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah," he agreed roughly, "Definitely better than working on the boat."

Tony snorted and jabbed Gibbs in the side with his elbow, which resulted in Gibbs trying to flip him onto his back. That succeeded, only he ended up on his back on the ground with Gibbs looking sheepishly down at him, smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"You alright?" he asked, not looking terribly sorry.

"Gibbs," Tony sighed, "You totally killed my afterglow."

"Sorry," Gibbs said, completely unapologetic.

"No you're not," Tony accused pulling himself into a sitting position and awkwardly pulling his pants up.

"No I'm not," Gibbs agreed readily. "But at least I pretended to be."

"Pretending to be sorry doesn't really mean a lot," Tony pointed out. "But I suppose coming from you it does."

Gibbs snorted. "Come on," he said standing and holding out his hand for Tony to grasp. Gibbs hauled Tony to his feet. "Let's have a shower. You can't turn up at the fancy restaurant looking like you just jerked off in front of your boss."

Tony laughed, "Well, I could, but I doubt my father would be impressed by that."

Gibbs stopped, "Actually, don't shower. Let's just keep going at it until seven."

"I think that would be impossible," Tony said with a grin, "And I am not walking in there like this. Come on, shower, and then I'll let you work on the boat."

Gibbs shook his head and rolled his eyes, but acquiesced and followed Tony up the stairs.

* * *

Here's part three :] Hope you enjoy! Thanks to finlaure for the beta!


	4. Chapter 4

Tony was starting to regret leaving Gibbs at home. He was more nervous now than he'd been in a long time, and that was saying something since he'd been the one to make a move on Gibbs, not the other way around. And he had most definitely been nervous before that.

"Junior," his father called to him from across the room.

Tony gave a little wave and walked over. "Hi, dad," he said as he sat down. "How's your eye?" he asked awkwardly, taking in the bruising and slight swelling.

"It's fine," Senior brushed off. "What I want to know is why Agent Gibbs felt the need to hit me?"

Tony grimaced. "Food first," He raised his hand and beckoned a waiter over.

"Anthony," his father started warningly.

Tony shook his head, "Food first, then we can talk."

Senior sighed. "Fine. I'll have the chicken," he said to the waiter.

"I'll get the steak, medium rare," Tony added with flirtatious smile, causing the waitress to blush.

The food came and went and soon Tony was swirling the ice around in his glass hoping that there was a way he could avoid this conversation.

"Junior, what's going on?" Senior asked quietly. Tony looked up and was surprised to see his father looked almost concerned. It was a weird look, and one that Tony had not seen directed at him on his father's face before.

"Do you really want to do this, dad?" Tony asked. He knew his father had stopped drinking, and he knew that he probably didn't remember most of Tony's teenage years, which meant that finding out the shit that he'd put Tony through would probably hurt. Hopefully. Not that Tony wanted his father to be hurting, well maybe a little, but it would be worse if he knew but still didn't care. Tony wasn't sure he could take that.

Senior nodded, "I do. What exactly have I done that has made Agent Gibbs hate me so much?"

Tony sighed, "Well he's never been your greatest fan. He lost his daughter fifteen years ago, and he can't comprehend not spending whatever time you can with your child."

"I take it the story about Maui didn't go over too well with him," Senior said awkwardly.

Tony shook his head, "No, he wasn't impressed by that."

"I would apologize, but I doubt that it would mean much to you now," Senior started, "But I don't think me not being there for you is why he hit me."

"You're right. Sorry now wouldn't mean much. Sorry twenty years ago might have made a difference. Would depend on what you're sorry for,"  
Tony said softly, "And no its not. He was more pissed about how you acted about the, uh, attempted suicide thing," Tony mumbled the last words.

Senior looked confused, "And how did I act about that? I got you help, didn't I?"

"Sending me away to boarding school wasn't getting me help," Tony started grimly, "And you thought it was all some ploy to get your attention."

"Wasn't it?" Senior asked sharply. "I wouldn't blame you if that's what it was. I was never around, especially not when you needed me."

"No." Tony shook his head. "Christ, it was anything but me trying to get your attention."

"Well then why the hell did you do it?" Senior asked.

Tony laughed bitterly, "I was unhappy, dad. I hated everything. I wanted it to end. Take your pick. There were a lot of reasons, but your attention wasn't one of them."

"If you were so unhappy then why didn't you try again?" Senior asked angrily before wincing and letting out a soft sigh, "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that everything stopped after you tried once, what changed?"

"No you meant it," Tony sighed, "But that's okay. I knew you weren't going to understand why I did it. Gibbs only just gets the suicide attempt. He doesn't get the stuff before."

"What was that for?" Senior interrupted, "I don't see how that would make you feel any better, other than getting attention."

"It wasn't for attention," Tony said angrily, "I might not have been an A grade student, but I wasn't stupid. You'd never been in my life. I didn't think that hacking at my arms was going to change that. You wouldn't understand it, so I'm not going to explain in. That's not what I'm meant to be telling you anyway." Tony exhaled loudly. He could hear his heart beat in his ears and he knew he had to get this out now or he never would, "The reason I didn't try again was because I wanted to prove you wrong."

Senior looked a little shocked, "Prove me wrong how?"

Tony was tempted to drop the conversation now, but he knew they needed to have this out. He needed to have this out, "You gave me your gun, dad. The night I got back from the hospital.

"Why on earth would I do that?" Senior exclaimed indignantly, "I might not understand why you did what you did, but even then I would have known not to give you a damn gun."

"You gave me the gun and told me I should make sure I did it right this time," Tony said stiffly, not looking at his father.

Senior looked shocked then angry, "Is that what you told Agent Gibbs? Christ, no wonder he hit me. What else have you told him?"

"Nothing that wasn't true," Tony sighed, the fight draining out of him, "How much do you even remember?" he asked quietly, "Probably not a lot."

Senior grimaced, "Look, you and I both know I had a drinking problem. But I wouldn't have said that. We never really had a relationship, and I know that's mostly on me, but I wouldn't have said that. I couldn't have said that."

Tony swallowed hard then asked stiffly, "So you think I'm making it up?"

Senior opened his mouth, but paused and shook his head. "No, I don't," he said softly, "I really said that? On the night you came home?"

Senior looked almost disgusted with himself, and Tony was surprised by the lack of satisfaction he got at seeing that look on his father's face. He always thought that should his father find out what he'd said that he wouldn't have cared. Or worse, that his father had always known what he'd said, and just never cared. Tony had never really believed his father would have cared. The look on his father's face right now, more than anything else he'd done, put Tony off drinking even more. The fact that drinking that much could make a father say something that cruel to his own son, and then not remember it, made Tony even more determined not to fall down the same path his father had.

"Yeah, dad, you did," Tony looked away. He didn't want to keep seeing that look on his father's face.

Senior nodded and stood. "I need to leave," he said roughly, "I'll get the check."

Tony made to stand, but stopped when he saw how tense Senior was. "Are you gonna call?" Tony asked softly, "Or is this it?"

"Do you want me to call?" Senior asked. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me."

"I want you to call," Tony said surprising himself with the ferocity of his answer. "You and I both know I'm not gonna forget what you said," Tony paused, trying to articulate what was going on in his mind. "But I know how much you drank, and I know you've stopped now. I want you to call," he repeated. "But you start drinking again, then don't bother coming back, 'cause I'll just shut the door in your face."

Senior nodded. "I'll call." He cleared his throat. "Give me some time, but I will call. And I won't be drinking when I do."

For once Tony believed what his father was saying. "Okay."

Senior nodded before turning on his heel and heading over to pay the check. Once Tony was sure his father had left he pulled out his cell.

"You can come get me now," he said quietly into the phone.

"Okay."

Tony turned around in surprise. Gibbs was standing there with his cell in his hand and a slightly sheepish yet determined look on his face.

"How long have you been here?" Tony asked suspiciously, trying to hide how relieved he was that Jethro was there. Talking to his father had been more taxing than he wanted to admit.

"The whole time," Gibbs admitted. "But I was waiting over there," he said pointing over to the entrance. "Just in case."

Tony gave Gibbs what felt like an incredibly sappy grin. "Aw, you were worried about me."

"Do ya think, DiNozzo?" Gibbs said gruffly as he sat down in senior's vacated chair, "I also noticed you didn't get dessert."

Tony shook his head with a wry grin as the waitress walked over with two very extravagant looking deserts. "These look expensive," Tony said with a raised eyebrow, plucking up one of the delicately placed strawberries and biting into it.

"I should hope so," Gibbs shrugged, "I asked for the two most expensive deserts they had."

Tony paused. "And how expensive are their two most expensive deserts?"

"Wouldn't have a clue," Gibbs said unperturbed as he dipped his spoon cautiously into what looked like some sort of mousse. "I put it on your check."

"That check that my father just paid for," Tony stated.

"Yup." Gibbs looked way too pleased with himself, and Tony couldn't help but laugh.

"Why do I get the feeling these two deserts cost more than mine and my father's meal put together?" Tony asked as he dipped his spoon into his ice cream.

"Because they did," Gibbs said after he swallowed, "Worth it too. It's very good."

Tony nodded. "It is. I'm sure my father would have agreed had he gotten the chance to try one of them," he said with a mock glare, before swiping some of Gibbs' desert.

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Well, it wasn't like you would have let me shoot him."

"Did you miss the part where he's broke?" Tony asked, trying to hold back a smile. "Or the part where you already punched him in the face. Although, I'm pretty sure he'd rather you had shot him now," Tony added thoughtfully.

Gibbs paused slightly. "So he feels like a bastard now."

Tony nodded. "I'm pretty sure he feels worse than that."

"Good," Gibbs stated firmly. "He should."

Tony remained silent as he and Gibbs finished their deserts, Gibbs with his help because, really, Gibbs' desert was almost as good as his and he couldn't resist.

"You feel sick now?" Gibbs asked curiously.

Tony did, but he wasn't going to admit that to Gibbs. "No, of course not."

"Liar." Gibbs led him out of the restaurant with a curt nod at the staff. "Still don't understand where you put it all."

"I'll burn it off when we get home," Tony said with an exaggerated leer.

"Not until you've digested that," Gibbs said pointedly. "I don't want you chucking up on me."

"Please," Tony said affronted. "DiNozzo's do not throw up because of too much dessert."

"DiNozzo's apparently don't pass out either," Gibbs pointed out. "That one didn't hold true for very long."

"It doesn't count when you're hit on the head," Tony said with a grin.

Gibbs snorted, "Semantics."

Tony rolled his eyes before leaning back in his seat. "I told him to call," he said quietly as Gibbs started the car.

"Will he?" Gibbs asked.

Tony shrugged. "Not sure. I think he will though. Once he's sorted through some shit."

"Do you really want him too?" Gibbs asked softly looking over at him as they stopped at the lights.

"Yeah, I think I do. I know you're never going to like him, and he knows that too. But, he's still my father." Tony chanced a glance over at Gibbs who was looking at him impassively.

"You're choice," Gibbs said turning back to the road. "But if he fucks you over again then I won't listen to a word you say, I'll just shoot him."

"Duly noted," Tony replied with a wry grin. He didn't really expect anything less from Gibbs. Hell, he was lucky the man was going to let him keep in touch with his father.

Allison Hart was beginning to get on Tony's last nerves. He was sick of her constantly showing up and flirting with Gibbs, but most of all, he was sick of Gibbs not stopping her. Tony knew that Gibbs wouldn't cheat on him with Hart; hell, Gibbs wouldn't cheat on him with anyone. Tony knew that. What he didn't know was why Gibbs was letting her continue to latch onto him the way she was.

Just before they'd left the office she'd turned up and invited Gibbs out for a drink. Gibbs had looked uncomfortable for all of a second before grabbing his gear and joining her in the elevator. Logically, Tony knew that Gibbs wanted to find out more about Bell, and why Hart was constantly showing up during their investigations, but that didn't stop him from being pissed. It was Friday, and on Friday's they always watched a movie and grabbed a pizza, unless of course there was a case. Only, apparently Hart now was another exception to the Friday routine.

All of this was the reason why Tony was now unlocking the front door to his apartment as opposed to Gibbs' house. He shivered as he walked in; apparently the heating was out, which didn't really surprise him. It did piss him off because he already had a head cold and he had really been looking forward to pizza, beer, and a movie. And Gibbs. Only now he got nothing but a cold unlived in apartment, which had no television because he had moved his over to Gibbs'. Tony ignored the tight feeling in his chest and shuffled slowly into his old bedroom, crawled into the old bed and wrapped the blankets tightly around him.

Tony screwed his eyes shut and waited for sleep to come. As usual, whenever he really wanted to sleep, sleep wouldn't come. But Tony would rather lie in the dark pretending like he was actually going to fall asleep than sit out in his empty apartment. Screw Gibbs, Tony thought angrily as he rolled over. Gibbs knew how Tony got about things like this; he couldn't understand why Gibbs had let it go on as long as he had. Though, he wouldn't be surprised if Gibbs was getting a little sick of Tony getting nervous each time an attractive woman made a move. He knew he sure as hell wouldn't like it if Gibbs doubted how much he loved him.

Tony sighed and rolled over, staring up at the ceiling. He hoped Gibbs knew that he didn't think he would cheat on him. Tony did know that. He just didn't like knowing that there were other people out there that might be better for Gibbs than him. People that Gibbs might be happier with. People who hadn't tried to off themselves when they were fifteen, Tony thought wryly. Gibbs had done wonders for his self confidence, but sometimes Tony wondered what he did for Gibbs. It really didn't seem to amount to a lot when you put it in comparison with what Gibbs had done.

Now Tony was just feeling stupid. "Screw this," he muttered and forced himself out of bed. He strode into the living room grabbed his jacket and keys and threw open his front door, almost knocking Gibbs over.

"What are you doing here?" Tony asked surprised. "I thought you were out with Miss Hart." Tony really did try to keep any malice out of his voice when he said her name, but he was pretty sure he had failed.

"I was," Gibbs said his eyes narrowing as he took in Tony's appearance. "You look like shit."

"Thanks so much for that." Tony rolled his eyes and motioned for Gibbs to come into the apartment. "People generally don't look their best when they're sick, Jethro."

Gibbs eyes narrowed. "I thought it was just a little cold. Nothing to be worried about," Gibbs said quoting Tony from this morning.

Tony shuffled back slightly under Gibbs scrutiny. "Well, maybe it's more of a head cold," he acquiesced. "Maybe even flu like."

"Isn't getting the flu something both Ducky and Doctor Pitt warned you about?" Gibbs asked dangerously moving closer. "Something that both of them said you should get medication for just in case it develops into something like, oh I don't know, Pneumonia?"

"Um, maybe," Tony said weakly. "But it's really not bothering me. Aside from the sore chest and head ache. And the runny nose." Gibbs didn't look any happier, so Tony continued on hurriedly. "But no phlegm or gasping for air."

Gibbs still didn't look convinced. "Why are you here? You should be in bed. Resting."

Tony didn't really want to answer that at the moment. "How did you know I was here?" he countered.

"Well you weren't at home, or at the office, so this seemed like the only logical place," Gibbs stated as if it were obvious. Which it really was, Tony realized.

"Oh. Well if it's any consolation I was trying to sleep," Tony said weakly.

Now Gibbs looked confused instead of annoyed. "Why were you sleeping here?"

Tony rubbed the back of his head and gave an awkward laugh. "No reason. Just felt like coming back here tonight."

"Don't lie, Tony," Gibbs said softly. "What's going on?"

Tony sighed. "Nothing. Nothing is going on. I was being stupid. Let's just go home."

"It's not stupid if you felt you had to sleep here instead of at home," Gibbs said sharply. Then he paused and Tony could see the realization dawn on his face. "Tony," Gibbs said moving forward slowly. "Does this have anything to do with me meeting Alison tonight?"

"No," Tony said quickly, but both of them knew he was lying. "Alright," he amended. "It does, but not for the reasons you're thinking of. It's just today's Friday," Tony finished weakly.

"So if I had seen her any other day after work you would have been fine," Gibbs clarified.

Tony scrunched up his face and nodded. "Yeah. It's just we have a routine on Fridays, and we didn't have a case for once. And we've been working flat out for the past month, so I wanted to take advantage of this Friday, 'cause we might not have another one for another month."

"Tony, I know we have a routine on Fridays," Gibbs said softly moving closer and cupping his face with one hand. Tony shivered as Gibbs' thumb traced over his jaw line. "Why do you think I was back home half an hour ago? I was never having dinner with Allison."

"But you left with her," Tony said hesitantly. "I just thought you were... Shit, I don't even know what I thought."

"You thought I was going to have dinner with her on a Friday night, instead of having pizza and watching one of your movies with you," Gibbs said.

Tony felt like an ass. It was glaringly obvious that Gibbs had definitely *not* been planning on having anything more than a quick drink with her. And as usual, he had overreacted and assumed the worst.

"You finished beating yourself up?" Gibbs asked mildly.

"No," Tony pouted and sniffed pathetically. He gave a congested laugh when Gibbs whipped out a tissue and handed it to him. "I'm sorry. It's just been a crappy month. My father still hasn't called, and it's been two months since we had dinner. I was just really looking forward to pizza and your couch."

"If we leave now we'll probably make it home before the pizza does," Gibbs offered, "And before the ice-cream in my back seat melts."

Tony couldn't help the pathetic laugh that escaped. "Have I told you how much I love you sometimes?"

Gibbs laughed. "It's a good thing I know all your favorite foods, or who knows where this relationship would be."

"Hey," Tony said indignantly. "There are other things I like."

Gibbs titled his head and raised his eyebrow. "Like?"

"Like you coming over here even though I was an ass," Tony said with a sigh. "Thank you."

"Tony, there is nowhere else I'd rather be," Gibbs said seriously before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Now come on, I'm hungry."

Tony grinned, grabbed his stuff and followed Gibbs to his car. He could see the ice cream in the back seat, and was tempted to reach round and snag some, but he resisted. It would be better after pizza anyway.

"What did Allison want anyway?" Tony asked curiously. He did know that Gibbs didn't want anything to do with her in *that* way, but it was obvious to everyone that she wanted Gibbs.

"To flirt," Gibbs said shortly. His fingers flexed on the steering wheel, and it was obvious to Tony (who spoke fluent Gibbs) that he was less than pleased by that.

"Nothing about Bell then?" Tony asked.

Gibbs shook his head, "Nope. Nothing I didn't already know. Waste of damn time."

Tony laughed quietly. Undoubtedly Gibbs would have let Hart know just how irritated he was by that lack of information. "How'd you get away?"

"Told her I was seeing someone, and that it was serious," Gibbs said his eyes glancing across to Tony before fixing on the road ahead. "Said that I had better places to be than watching her less than subtle attempts to get into my bed."

Tony's mouth dropped open. "You said that to her face? Wait, it's you, of course you said it to her face," Tony amended.

"Well she had it coming," Gibbs said, and Tony could see the slight smile at the corners of his mouth. "She tried to ruin my Friday night plans."

Tony turned to look at Gibbs, "Plans? You mean pizza and a movie?"

Gibbs nodded. "In case you hadn't worked it out yet, I enjoy our Friday nights as much as you do."

Tony had known that, but it was different to hear Gibbs say it. It was always different when Gibbs said it. Gibbs was a man of few words, which meant that when he did mention that he actually enjoyed spending time with Tony, he remembered it. By now it should be a given that Gibbs liked to spend time with Tony, after the man was in love with him, but Tony could be pretty obtuse sometimes, and so Gibbs still had to spell it out for him on occasion.

"Good," Tony said resolutely. "Next time she tries to take you out on a Friday night, I'll tell her exactly who you're sleeping with."

"Okay," Gibbs said simply, and Tony grinned. In Gibbs speak that meant that he wouldn't give a damn if Tony outed them to the whole office.  
They arrived at Gibbs' house just as the pizza arrived. Gibbs went and paid while Tony grabbed the ice cream from the back seat and went to put it in the freezer. Though, he was tempted to eat some of it now. The thought of cool ice cream sliding down his throat sounded like heaven. But Tony never turned down pizza, except from one time when he was recovering from the plague. If he didn't eat it now Gibbs would probably drag his ass to the hospital.

"Grab some plates will ya?" Gibbs asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Sure," Tony said, and placed two on the table. Gibbs dished out some of the pizza and Tony snagged a piece straight away. Gibbs chuckled and picked up his own slice.

"What movie?" Gibbs asked.

Tony shrugged. "I don't mind. You pick."

"Alright," Gibbs said and grabbed his plate and wandered into the living room.

Tony grinned as he heard the James Bond theme song start to play.

"Good choice," he said as he sat down next to Gibbs.

"Thought you'd like it," Gibbs said as he wrapped an arm around Tony.

Tony relaxed against Gibbs as they watched the movie in comfortable silence. He felt Gibbs watch him more than the movie, but it didn't bother him. Gibbs tended to do that. Right now Tony suspected that Gibbs was concerned about the fact he had only eaten one slice of pizza and was steadily ripping up his second piece.  
"Not hungry?" Gibbs asked.

Tony shook his head. "Not really. Throat hurts."

Gibbs tensed behind him. Normally Tony was decidedly reluctant about admitting when anything was hurting. Admitting something like that so readily would definitely put Gibbs into coddling mode. But right now Tony felt so shitty he really didn't care. Coddling sounded pretty good.

"Want some ice cream?" Gibbs asked softly.

"Nah," Tony said. "I think I might go to bed." He suddenly felt exhausted, and crawling into bed sounded like the best thing in the world.

"Alright," Gibbs said hitting the stop button. "I'll come up with you."

"You don't have to," Tony protested even as he let Gibbs pull him up from the couch.

"I want to," Gibbs said giving him a chaste kiss. "Come on."

Tony yawned as they walked up the bedroom and then sighed as he slipped under the covers and curled up next to Gibbs.

"Love you," he whispered.

"You too," Gibbs said as he kissed the top of his head.

Tony groaned as he felt Gibbs move away from him and light infiltrate his world. He snagged Gibbs' abandoned pillow and pulled it over his head. "Turn the light out," he rasped. His throat felt like it was made of sandpaper; talking hurt like a bitch, not to mention swallowing. Tony was thankful that he was able to enjoy the pizza last night; he doubted he'd be eating much today.  
He felt Gibbs' hand worm its way under the pillow and rest against his forehead.

"You're burning up," Gibbs murmured softly.

Tony was surprised; he felt like he was freezing. He mumbled something back and tried to burrow himself further under the covers.

"Oh no, you don't," Gibbs said grabbing him. "I want to have a look at you first. You can sleep later."

Tony groaned but allowed Gibbs to drag him into an upright position, his back resting against the headboard.

"You look like shit, Tony," Gibbs said, and Tony could see the concern on his face. "I'm gonna call Ducky."

"It's a cold, Jethro," Tony said exasperated, thought the effect was kind of ruined by the coughing fit that followed. He was not pleased to find that the dry cough he had yesterday had been replaced by a hacking phlegm filled one that reminded him briefly of blue lights and Brad Pitt.

"Colds don't make you sound like that," Gibbs said angrily once he'd finished coughing.

"The flu then," Tony amended, but Gibbs wasn't buying it.

"In case you've forgotten, DiNozzo," Gibbs said as he grabbed the phone. "You had the *pneumonic plague*. Did you not listen to all those doctors, and Ducky, when they told you that colds can very quickly become pneumonia, or bronchitis?"

Tony hadn't forgotten, but he didn't like to think about how compromised his immune system actually was. It wasn't like he had actually gotten seriously sick since having the plague, and that was years ago. Sighing, Tony nodded. "Yeah, I was listening."

"Good," Gibbs said brusquely. "'Cause I don't want you holed up in a hospital for weeks on end."

Tony closed his eyes as Gibbs left the room to phone Ducky. He knew he should try and be a bit more gracious, but truth be told, he did feel like shit. And it was his weekend off with Gibbs, and now he was going to be spending most of it in bed. And not in a good way.

"He's on his way," Gibbs said as he re-entered the bedroom and sat next to Tony.

"Not how you planned on spending your weekend, huh?" Gibbs asked softly.

Tony shook his head. "No," he muttered petulantly. "Ducky's gonna say something stupid like 'no strenuous activity' and then you're not gonna let me move all weekend."

Gibbs snorted. "No strenuous activity for a weekend isn't as bad as being in the hospital for a week, is it?"

Tony didn't answer. He wasn't about to be thankful that he wasn't in the hospital when he was still sick. Grateful could come once he was better. Gibbs moved to sit closer to him, and Tony let his head drop on his shoulder. Tony let himself doze off until he heard Ducky's cheerful voice.

"Anthony, what have you gotten yourself into now?" Ducky asked as he walked into the bedroom. It was only then Tony registered that he was in Gibbs' bed, but he felt so rotten he couldn't bring himself to care.

"This isn't my fault this time," Tony muttered.

"I'm sure it isn't," Ducky soothed. "Now if you'll just open up."

For once Tony sat through the examination without complaints. He slumped back down in the bed once Ducky was finished.

"Well?" Gibbs demanded.

"It's nothing too serious, Jethro," Ducky said. "It's seems to be the flu. It just hit him harder because of his lungs."

"So what do we do?" Gibbs asked running his hand through Tony's hair.

"Bed, rest and fluids is all we can do right now," Ducky said. "Give him one of these twice a day for the rest of the week. They should help clear it up, and at the very least make him feel better."

Gibbs nodded, accepting the pills. "And work?"

"Definitely not this week," Ducky said sternly.

"What?" Tony said struggling to sit up, and frowning at Gibbs when he pushed him back down. "That's not necessary."

"Yes it is," Gibbs said before Ducky could open his mouth. "Thanks, Duck. I'll call you if he gets worse."

Ducky nodded and packed up his medical bag. "Anthony, I don't want you leaving this bed for the rest of the weekend, understand?"  
Tony frowned, but nodded. What Ducky wouldn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"I'll make sure he stays in bed, Duck," Gibbs said with a warning glance at Tony.

There went that plan. Tony groaned and closed his eyes, determined to ignore the conversation around him. He didn't notice much until Gibbs crawled back into the bed and pulled Tony into his arms.

"The weekend will go fast," Gibbs promised.

"Do we get to spend it having sex?" Tony asked sleepily, before coughing lightly.

"Not until you're better" Gibbs said adamantly.

"I don't think you'll be able to hold out," Tony whispered.

Gibbs snorted. "Tony, shut up and go to sleep."

Tony was already halfway there. Right now thoughts of his father and Allison Hart were the last things on his mind. He had Gibbs, and that was what mattered. Gibbs was the one who had been there through everything, even when he was sick and gross. Gibbs still wrapped him up in his arms and looked out for him. Even though he was sick and felt like shit, Tony couldn't have been more grateful.

* * *

  
And here's the end :] Hope everyone enjoyed! Thanks again to Finlaure for the beta.


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